When feminism weds Matrimony

Leave alone BEING a feminist, Really, How hard can it be practising Feminism?. You are termed impractical, pompous, arrogant, sometimes jobless…yes these are things, I as a women have to hear when I practise or raise my voice against discrimination, not only from the opposite gender but my female counterparts!

Trying to do what you want not only has external struggles but internal struggles as well for a woman. So, when it came to practicality, many women (who would rather let go and stick to the norms of society) always pointed out to me…”It is easy to talk now, let’s see once you are married”. I receive this a lot… I mean really lot. I had always ignored them and thought it was going to be easy… until when I keep coming closer to reality (my marriage). It isn’t easy after all, is it?

I mean breaking the moulds of the many years of upbringing by traditional Indian household; and where you realise you are not really the certain society-expected behaviour types. Getting past to knowing how you want to be, balancing them with reality, dealing with your own thoughts and then you don’t just live on…One would need to process how to handle those judgemental stares, knowing how to getting the loved ones to understand and getting them to. And ofcourse there is a lot of preparing oneself to let go of trivial things, to not let go the important beliefs.

There are loads and loads and loads of things you are expected to do or perform even though they are in contradiction to your own beliefs because you are “born” as a women… is it fair? How can my gender constrain me to do something even if I am not willing to do?

Just thinking of the few hurdles I am yet to go through… * my head spins *.

The cultural ceremonies in a marriage

We are forced to do the ceremonial activities called Idhigam, primarily getting the thaali tied and wearing metti … I have heard that thaali was for women and metti for men, which was helpful for the community to identify if one was married or not. And now both has been pushed to the girl?

But also, are we really forced? Isn’t it also the fear of rejection from society the reason to not rebel? Why not say “I shall not wear the thaali?” Or “why don’t you wear the metti too?, Husband” I want to…but will I? I don’t know. For, I fear.

The “MRS” word

I have always wondered why I should be addressed as Mrs especially along with my husband’s name(!). I am not his property(!). Fine, if it’s just a norm, why only for women?. On the day of my marriage, everybody would address me as Mrs, and how do I deal with it when I know my well-wishers are merely wishing me for my happiness. I would be thereon be addressed and teased as mrs so and so. What do I do? Tell each and everyone not to? Have a rational discussion? Post on Fb not to address me so? And be called sadist?

Name Changing

Zoe Saldana’s husband took her last name. So will the twins. The Saldanas hence create a revolution. How many will follow this? Is it good? Is it really progression just because a man took the woman’s name? No, I don’t mean to be a hypocrite, big kudos to the guy, he is a keeper(!) Zoe. However, can something not be worked out (?). There was one good suggestion I read in an article, pass on the wife’s name if a girl, the husband’s name if a boy, in that way patriarchy and matriarchy co-exist.

Chores at home

This is one big struggle I think I am going to face. Essentially if my better half and I, despise house chores. But what if he is a guy who is of the mind-set it’s a woman’s job…and I do not have enough patience to get him to understand I am an individual like him too. What if me?

Trailing juggernaut thoughts…

Too many questions, too much fear. All I can do now is live life by the step, if not take it by the horns.


2 thoughts on “When feminism weds Matrimony

  1. Dear Uma,

    This is a wonderful post.

    At the end of the day what makes marriages work? and sharing one’s joys and sorrows.

    A happy relationship is one where one retains one’s identity but still feels the pain and joy of the partner/spouse.

    Sharing of chores is a mandatory task!

    Life has to go on….we all have our own battles to fight and challenges to overcome.

    Good luck, keep smiling and keep writing!

    Prayers and good wishes,


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